That promise I made to myself
by Leto
Summary: Joe keeps a diary for several months after the 01 series finishes about friendship, fame and family (ooh, alliteration ^_^.). Although there are 'two chapters', this is a complete short story - it was just a little long to fit on one page.
1. First half

This also has a sort of spin-off fic, "Light of my friends". I mean, I've written that other fic that's partly from Mimi's point of view, because I wanted to go more in depth than a diary format would easily allow. Light of my friends can stand on its own, and so can this fic, but I did write this fic with that one in mind - Lomf sort of fleshes out some of my favourite scenes. ^_^. I'd advise you to read this one first. 

I don't usually actually ask for feedback but I'd be interested to know what you think of this one. I wrote everything for a reason but I'm not sure if it quite 'works'. 

Oh, one other note (this is pretty obvious but just in case you are confused), this diary is not written in every day; I didn't put dates 'cos I don't know about things like Japanese school timetables... so he might write in it every day for a few days and then again after half a week, again two days later, etc. 

Anyway, on with the fic already. 

That promise I made to myself by [Leto][1]

**Dear Log,**

Every day I have to remind myself of that promise I made to myself, back in the digital world. "No more a pushover, no more a coward, it's time for a brand new Joe." 

Somehow it was actually *easier* to do that in the digital world. It just meant, no more complaining, doing what was right, standing up to those final battles without letting my fear beat me... at least there, it was obvious what the right thing to do was. 

Now I'm trying to work out who that "brand new Joe" is going to be. One thing I know is that I need to be better than I am, more on top of things. Mom says I'll grow out of this 'awkward stage' but what I really want is to be such a... I don't know, such a -good- person that some 'awkward stage' won't matter to anyone else. 

Anyway, at least I've got my friends from the digital world. 

Mimi's been coming over sometimes. I guess once you face death alongside someone, you sort of share something. Even though we're so different, because we went through all that stuff in the digital world together, we're still friends. 

Sometimes she asks for help with her homework, but that's okay, I like to help. And studying is fun. 

Speaking of studying, I still have to read some chapters of my biology textbook. I want to stay ahead. 

-Joe 

**Dear Log,**

What a day! 

I was dreaming about some nice food when I was woken up by the workmen outside our apartment, hammering away on that annoying construction project that's been going for weeks. Dad was out already, as usual, and Mom sounded annoyed about it. Jim, who is not a morning person, growled at me when I said good morning, and took the rest of the milk right out of my hands. 

On the school bus, a couple of kids were playing this new 'game' they'd invented, some obnoxious thing involving throwing objects at people just to test the reactions they'd get. They were writing down their results and everything, and whenever someone complained too loudly, they'd protest they were just doing a psychology experiment. They threw a ruler at me three times, and the third time it hit me on the head so I snapped it into two pieces and handed it back to them. They kicked up a self-righteous fuss and when we got to school, one of them told a teacher that I had been "destroying his personal property for no reason". 

That got sorted out, but not to my satisfaction. The teacher gave me a warning. That's so unfair! Anyway, after the teacher was gone, I remembered that I wasn't going to be treated like a doormat, so I, well, started yelling at them and told them quite a few not-very-polite things. I guess I was in a bad mood from being woken prematurely and having grouchy family members. 

Maybe I shouldn't be justifying myself. It was *satisfying*! 

There was a kind of mini-food fight at lunch. I wasn't involved, I came in at the tail end of it, just in time to get custard on my shirt. I'm allergic to custard. I cleaned it off right away, but I was sneezing for the next half hour. 

After I cleaned my shirt and ate my lunch, I started to help clean up the cafeteria. It wasn't really my responsibility, but I was helping Mike. The teacher on duty told him to clean up the mess, which I didn't think was very fair, considering quite a few other people were involved, so I helped. 

I usually like to get to class five minutes before it starts, but I figured it didn't matter just this once to cut it fine; math is math, I thought, I don't need to get there early 'just in case'. So I stayed until the cafeteria was clean and then left a couple minutes after the bell rang. 

I got to the classroom and found a sign on the door which said the room was closed for repainting, and that math would be in room 2-17, which, predictably, was right on the other side of the school. (Typical Joe luck!) 

So I ran all the way there, and when I got there, found a class in there that *wasn't* my class, and looked at me like I had two heads when I suddenly appeared there, all out of breath with my red eyes (courtesy of the custard). So I ran all the way BACK, downstairs and along the corridors and across the courtyard, and a teacher stopped me and told me not to run in the hallway. 

That was very embarassing because I always try not to break the school rules. 

But when I got back to my class, the notice wasn't there any more, and my normal class was there. I was twenty minutes late, and Mr Andou was very sarcastic. I explained about the note that was on the door, and I think he believed me, because most people know I don't lie. But there was no sign of the sign, and I think some of the kids in the class knew more about it than they let on. Maybe they were in on it or something. 

I came home and studied for about three hours. Well, two hours and forty minutes; I spilled white-out all over the carpet and had to try to clean it. There'll be a storm when Mom sees it. And now I am writing this. 

  
It is now an hour after writing that last bit. My dad just came home and saw that I was watching TV. He wanted to know why I wasn't studying. Mom stuck up for me and said I'd been studying ever since I got home, and he said she hadn't asked for her piece, and would she stay out of things that didn't concern her. Predictably, this started an argument. 

Then Mom found the stain on the carpet, and got mad at me, and said why don't you take more care with things, and Dad said I'd always been clumsy and awkward, and Mom said he shouldn't say things like that about me, and don't worry Joe, you'll grow out of it, and he told her to stop indulging me, and there was another argument, and even though this one was about me too, it kind of wasn't. I just walked out and they kept arguing. 

I guess it's been one of those days for everyone... 

I'm going to bed. 

-Joe 

**Dear Log,**

I was thinking about yesterday's entry. What I forgot to say was, doesn't that kind of prove my point? It's hard to know how to be a "brand new Joe" when your old situation doesn't change. I mean, if I'm the way I am because there's not really any other way to act in my place, how can I be different? 

I don't know. Maybe it's a mindset thing. 

-Joe 

**Dear Log,**

Today we digidestined met in the ol' park, just to spend some time together. I had to juggle my study schedule, but I suppose it's good for even me to get some time off once in a while. 

It wasn't bad. Not exactly like old times, but pretty close. It's been a couple of months since our adventures in the digital world, and this is the first time we've all met up. The others still stay in contact regularly because they go to the same school. It felt kind of strange to be meeting them and not having to worry about discussing strategies for finding the eighth child, or to talk about splitting up, or whether we could beat so-and-so, or what our crests might mean. 

It did bring back the memories of Gomamon, though. It's weird, but I don't think about him all that much. I don't want to, I guess. What I want, most of all, is for him to be here in this world with me, because he always helped me believe in myself. And even if he sometimes acted like a kid, he was good at knowing what to do. 

But since it will never happen, and I'll never see Gomamon again, I shouldn't torture myself by thinking about him. Still, when I saw the others, it made me think things like "shouldn't Agumon be standing by Tai? TK looks weird without Patamon on his hat... and Matt, where's the faithful shadow of your Digimon friend?" 

We had a picnic in the park, played some soccer - a very original Tai idea! - and mostly talked and joked around. Izzy didn't even bring his computer! 

The digidestined are good friends and they don't think less of me for being who I am. I guess it's because they got to see that I'm useful in some ways, and most people don't see that. 

I'm the only digidestined whose parents don't know they were a digidestined. Sometimes I really want to say something, especially when Dad compares me to someone, or says I need more guts. I want to be able to show him what I've done, to show him I've done something to be really proud of. 

Also, he's been putting pressure on me to work harder since I didn't make it into that junior high he wanted. I couldn't explain that the reason I wasn't studying very much was because I was trying to save the world. 

Mom was spending that weekend on a retreat with friends, and Dad was in a hospital across the city, working non-stop to treat people who had been injured by Digimon attacks. What could I tell them? 

Jim knows, and that's something, even if we haven't been talking so much lately. 

Sora asked me how I liked junior high school. I wasn't sure how to answer that. How do I like it? I never really thought about it. Are you supposed to like school? I like the work, but other than that... maybe things aren't so good. 

My parents had a big fight last night, and today Mom said that Dad has gone to a medical conference for the weekend, but will stay there for a couple of days. I guess that makes sense. Both of them have been under a lot of stress lately, I think it will be better after Dad's had a short break. 

-Joe 

**Dear Log,**

I'm in a good mood at the moment! Of course, for me, that probably means something bad is about to happen... oh well, I won't think about that too much. 

Mimi came around today, with some cookies she made. I was very surprised, but in a good way. The cookies tasted a little strange, but I didn't tell her that. It was nice of her. I wonder why she did it. 

Her visit this time was also good because nobody else was home. If Dad's around, he makes little pointed comments about how late it's getting, and how he's sure we all have work to do. If Jim's around, he makes little insinuating comments that are embarassing. And Mom is embarassing, period. 

Once, she and Dad were both home one evening while I was trying to teach Mimi about electrons. (Not an easy task.) They started having a real ripper of an argument, not knowing that we were in the next room. Mimi looked really scared. I guess my parents can sound pretty venomous when they're fighting. They don't mean anything serious by it though. They just have to get it out of their systems, like Matt and Tai. 

Reading back, I make it sound like Mom and Dad are arguing all the time. It's not like that at all, I guess I just write about it because it's uncomfortable when it happens and so I remember it more clearly. 

I like Mimi's eyes, they're very expressive, I think. They make me think of Sincerity. 

-Joe 

**Dear Log,**

Matt called and invited me to go to the soccer tryouts with him next week. Tai's supposed to be playing, of course, and maybe Sora. I think I will go. I quite like soccer. 

Dad came back today. I suppose that's a good thing. I don't like an empty house. 

-Joe 

**Dear Log,**

Jim said something strange today. He asked me if I wasn't worried about Mom and Dad. I didn't know what he was talking about, and said so. He said never mind. So I'm not minding, but I would still like to know what he meant. 

-Joe 

**Dear Log,**

Sometimes I don't like it here very much. School seems to drag on, home seems to drag on, and I'm just the same. I know I shouldn't be ungrateful, I'm a very fortunate person, but sometimes I just feel kind of... I don't know... lonely. 

-Joe 

**Dear Log,**

Today was the day of the soccer tryouts. Tai made it, of course. He was pretty impressive, actually. I guess the extra time we had in the digital world exercising might have helped. We lived a few months that nobody else did. Matt spent the first twenty minutes telling me how annoying and obsessive Tai had been over soccer lately, and how he didn't deserve to get in, and how he couldn't believe he was wasting his time coming to see him like this. Then Tai's match started and Matt was out of his seat screaming, cheering for him. I wish I had a friend like that. 

I sat next to Mimi, who spent half the time complaining about how boring soccer is, and how it was too loud, and she thought there was disgusting dirty bubblegum under her seat. Then *she* was on her seat screaming, cheering for Sora. Sora did decide to try out for the girl's team, but she made a few big mistakes. I was surprised, because she is usually a good player. 

We had the chance to speak to her for a few minutes afterwards. She didn't seem too upset that she had missed out. Aside, she confessed just to me that it was her mother's wish that she didn't play soccer this year, and that might have thrown her off. I wonder why she told -me- that? I think she might have deliberately messed up, but I don't know why she would have gone to try out in the first place. 

We had to wait around for a while, but afterwards, we went out with Tai for pizza, to celebrate. Mimi got annoyed at me for picking all the toppings off my pieces, and so Tai ate them so she wouldn't be able to complain. Then she got mad at him and said *she'd* wanted them. 

Izzy was analysing the matches, talking about the quality of competition and a few other things that didn't make a lot of sense. Sora didn't say much, I don't know if she was sad or just thinking. Matt and Tai nearly came to blows over which type of pizza to order, and then *did* come to blows after Tai started bragging about his awesome victories that day. TK and Kari were feeding each other by pulling off bits of pizza and throwing them into each other's mouths. It was nice to see those two being able to act like normal little kids again, although it wasn't so nice when they missed... 

Those are my friends, alright. And I guess that when I'm with them, that's the place where I feel best. I wish I could make other friends like them, like at school. It would make things easier, anyway. 

-Joe 

**Dear Log,**

Another weird day. Okay, so it's not as weird as that day we were transported to another dimension full of weird little talking monsters, or as weird as the day I found myself working for a talking vegetable, or as weird as the day when we got reconfigured into digital data... but it's right up there. 

Today our school got together a group of students to join one of the working bees in the city. See, after the Myotismon attack, it took quite a while for things to be put back to normal. Now, the roads are serviceable again, and most of the buildings repaired, but there are still a lot of little jobs to do; Myotismon really did an impressive demolition job. 

I haven't gone into that part of the city since the battle, although I've seen it on the television. That place has bad memories, and it's like returning to the scene of the crime. I don't want to be blamed; my Digimon probably did a bit of that damage. 

Recently, some volunteer groups have been going to help clean up the city, and that's what we students did today. The government has already poured a lot of funds into handymen, engineers, construction workers... so anything that normal people can do, they're encouraging us to do. 

I went; I guess I really should help, it's the least I can do. 

Maybe I shouldn't have gone, though. Because things started to happen. And somebody *did* recognise me. 

Gotta go now, write more tomorrow. 

-Joe 

**Dear Log,**

There's been surprisingly little coverage about the whole Digimon event. That's strange, because it's probaby the biggest thing that's happened in Japan since... well, ever, maybe. There have been a lot of news stories about the fallen aircraft, the totalled city, traffic delays resulting from that, and attempts to rectify the situation. 

I think the news people just didn't want to look stupid, and also, they want us to forget the whole thing ever happened. I guess maybe it was too big, too big for people to deal with. It threatens the idea that they can feel safe. So reports and analyses of what might have happened, of the monsters sighted, of the weird occurances - they've sort of been brushed off, even though apparently a few weird things happened elsewhere in the world. 

And as for us digidestined? Not much coverage on us either. I think Tai was kind of disappointed about that, but actually, we were never really acknowledged. There were a few people who saw us go up into the sky, and Jim said that they could sort of make out some kids fighting Apocalymon, but by and large, most people wouldn't recognise us as digidestined. I sure haven't met anyone who knew I was one. 

But at the working bee yesterday, someone actually shouted "HEEEEEY KID!", and I looked around, along with the other dozen kids (classmates) I was working with. Some really weird-looking guy came running up to me, and slapped me on the shoulder. My friends were all looking at us rather dubiously. 

I asked him if we knew each other and he said (shouted, really) and I quote, "no, but I know you! You floated up into the sky and rained down swift justice for humankind!" 

Me: "Uhh, excuse me?" 

My heart started beating faster, because we were near the spot where I *had* floated up into the sky. The other kids were cracking up, of course they thought he was completely mad, and the man got even more enthusiastic, with this huge grin. 

Him: "C'mon kid! You know something about that weird monster thing that happened a couple months back, right? I saw you go up into the sky, and I bet you fought that monster in the sky too, right?" 

Me (at a loss): "Uhh..." 

Him: "Hey, kid, I've been waiting around here for months to see if anything was gonna happen! I was hoping one of you might come back to the scene of the crime!" 

Me (terrified): "Crime?" 

Him: "Figure of speech, kid! Seriously! I'm a reporter with the seven news, I've been covering the renovation projects that've been going on! But I've really been trying to figure out more about those monsters! I saw some... what did they call themselves? Gizamon, there were a whole buncha those little creeps. And those ghosts, we broke out of the convention centre they were guarding because of that girl... hey, come to think of it, she seemed to know what she was doing, maybe she's involved too. That's right, I think she went up too! You know someone called Sora?" 

Me (overwhelmed): "Uhh... yeah, but..." 

Him: "And then there was the girl in pink pyjamas whose chest started glowing, and this cactus turned into a fairy! Did you hear about that one? It sounds like some sort of crazy cartoon story, doesn't it! I don't think I ever caught her name, but she was in the convention centre too, ohh, I keep wishing I'd caught her name! She went flying up too, right? What was her name?" 

Me (resigned): "Mimi..." 

Him: "Excellent, excellent! These are the answers I've been looking for! You had monsters with you, you must be involved somehow! Kid, kid! We need to talk more! Come talk to my boss!" 

So I agreed, and went with him, still kind of bewildered. My friends were just looking completely baffled. I was kind of excited. I've never been on TV before, and I always did kind of want to be recognised as a hero! 

It turned out this guy's boss was actually Matt's father! The guy - Tony, I think his name was - was amazed to find out we knew each other. He was even more amazed when Matt's dad said he knew something about Digimon anyway. They had a long, heated discussion, the guy demanding to know why Mr Ishida hadn't said anything about it before, when it was such an amazing news story. 

I was kind of wondering the same thing myself. He had a lot of reasons though, like that there was no video footage of the Myotismon battle or of us, he thought we would want to live normal lives, he thought people wouldn't believe the story, he didn't know a lot about Digimon himself and Matt didn't like to talk about it much... I don't know, I think there must be more to it than that. 

Anyway, after a lot of discussion, they decided to pool the footage they *did* have of Digimon, and get us to come into the studio, and put together a one-hour special explaining the whole Digimon story. It should be very popular news; a lot of people must still be wondering what happened to the city and the sky those months ago. 

I called up the others and told them about it. They reacted fairly predictably. 

Tai was really enthusiastic, he couldn't wait to "be famous" and tell everyone about Agumon. Mimi started babbling about what she was going to wear, and some other stuff (I kind of zoned out after she started talking about clothes). 

Matt really didn't sound too pleased about it. Sora thinks he's camera-shy, and maybe he is. Really, it's because of him that we didn't get on TV a lot sooner. I'm not sure what his problem is... 

I haven't told my parents about it, and I'm not going to. They can see it on TV when it's ready. 

-Joe 

**Dear Log,**

We all met at the studio today. They set us up in this room at a half-crescent desk, like we were a panel or something. Then they asked us a lot of questions, and taped them. In particular, they asked a lot about our Digimon-related adventures in the real world - I guess that's what people will be most interested in. 

Izzy was explaining about our crests in words that had all of us half-asleep, and then Tai told him that nobody would understand what he was talking about. We talked about crests a bit, and how we found they were inside us all along and we didn't need the tags to have our crests react. Then Matt's dad asked if we could prove it. 

I think we all felt weird; like we were being asked to perform. Almost as though our crests, which symbolised everything good in us, were just some cool magic trick that an audience would want to see. But then Kari said she would always feel the light inside her, and that it was important that our story was believed, that the world did not forget Digimon, because they were our friends. Then her crest started to glow on her chest. 

Mimi burst into tears suddenly, and said that the Digimon are STILL our friends, and she misses them all so much, especially Palmon. *Her* crest started glowing but she didn't even seem to notice it. I hated to see her so upset, and even though all the video cameras were on us, I just had to put my arms around her and tried to mumble something comforting. I'm not very good at that sort of thing but I wanted her to feel better, and my heart felt hot. I looked down and saw the crest's outline glowing through my clothes. 

It felt really strange, I didn't know we could use our crests in this world! 

This changes everything. If I have my crest to guide me, I think maybe I can keep that promise I made to myself. I always felt strongest, like I knew what I was doing, when my crest glowed. 

Anyway, back to the story. Mimi didn't stop crying for the rest of the broadcast, but it was quiet crying, she just grabbed my hand very tightly, so maybe I helped a little. 

We were there for a couple hours and we talked a lot. I guess they'll have to cut a lot of it. 

-Joe 

   [1]: mailto:leto@nysa.cx



	2. Second half

**Dear Log,**

Tonight was one of the rare times when all four members of my family were actually home and in the same immediate vicinity. I mentioned the show to Jim, that's why he was home. But we all watched the 7 o' clock news tonight, and it produced quite a reaction... 

Near the beginning, they just showed shots of each of us and said a little about us, as an introduction. Dad was all surprised, like, "isn't that your friend Matt?!" and they both squawked "Mimi?!" when she came on the screen. 

After Mimi, they showed me (I was on TV!!!), and Dad made a very peculiar choking sound. Mom said there had to be some mistake, which hurt my feelings, because she said it like it was impossible to think I was a hero.

The show was great, though. They'd arranged all our comments to read like a narration. Sometimes they showed footage they'd taken already, like of some Gizamon, a battle between Myotismon, Angemon and WereGarurumon, Ikkakumon fighting Gesumon (so strange seeing Ikkakumon again!) and Kabuterimon flying away. Then there was lots of footage of the convention centre, Bakemon, the city being wrecked, that sort of thing. 

They - or us, I should say - told the whole story from four years ago at Heighton View Terrace, right up until we returned from the digital world to continue our normal lives, including a lot of discussion about Digimon and the digiworld itself, our crests, that kind of thing. 

Tai and Izzy talked about as much as the rest of us combined, but they still showed me a lot. They kept in a segment of me talking about Digimon's digivolution stages, me talking about how at first we were just trying to find a way home, and also talking about the Dark Masters. As well as a few other bits and pieces. -And- they kept in the whole thing where Kari, Mimi and I had our crests react; it came out well. I hadn't seen my own crest like that before, I looked like I had special powers or something! 

Matt also talked about how we worked for Digitamamon, and he made me sound like a hero. When the others talked about me, they didn't mention how I'd complained a lot, although they tell me that at other times often enough. I think they knew I'd be really embarassed if the whole world heard bad things about me. So we were all unnaturally positive in our assessments of each other. Matt told how I'd risked myself to save TK (I guess I did, but I never thought of it like that, just as something I had to do), and TK said how I'd saved him from drowning and that made my crest react. 

Hey, maybe I really am a hero! 

I should have taped it, but probably some of the others will, so if I want to see my time as a STAR again, I can!! I'm still kind of on a high about that! 

When the show finished, Dad switched off the TV and we all sat there in silence for a while. I think my parents were in shock or something. Even Jim looked a little stunned; he didn't know the whole story. I guess in retrospect it does sound kind of incredible (hey, it WAS kind of incredible, kind of totally incredible!). 

After a long time, Mom said, "you never told us about any of this, Joe..." 

I was embarassed and said I wouldn't have known what to say, and it was unlikely they would have believed me. 

"Well, that much is true," said Dad, "such an incredible story I have never heard... that 'crest' thing was amazing." 

"It's really true, Dad," said Jim, "I know some of it from experience, at least. I met Joe's Digimon-thing and drove him to the convention centre where everyone was unconscious. And then I saw him go back to the digital world." 

"I didn't say I didn't believe it," said Dad, a little snappishly, "of course, Joe always tells the truth, anyway." 

I was pleased. I haven't had many compliments lately. It's nice to be believed in, isn't it? 

Mom went and kissed me on the forehead - something that, like compliments, is not a regular thing in our family. She said she was very proud of me, and that she always knew I was a hero. Dad said maybe it explained why I hadn't made it into 'his' junior high. 

And that was about the extent of our conversation about it. We're not really a talking family, but I am glad they know about it. 

It's sure going to be strange going to school come Monday... 

-Joe 

**Dear Log,**

Did I say it was going to be strange come Monday? Understatement of the year. There was a follow-up story in the newspaper about us yesterday, for even more people to find out about us. As soon as I got on the school bus, everyone went silent, staring at me in a kind of awed way. I could get used to that; it sure beats the brats at the back throwing spitballs at me. 

All day long, people who never gave me the time of day before have been coming up to me and asking a bunch of questions. A few have been sceptical that I really did do heroic stuff, but I guess that's understandable. 

A lot of people wanted me to prove that the "crest thing's not just camera tricks" but it's just too weird to produce my crest on command. It doesn't work like that. 

When I came home, there were four messages on our answering machine asking me to appear on other TV or radio shows. Dad said that since it's only early in the school year, I can probably relax my studies to appear on TV, but just for a few weeks. That's his way of saying he's proud of me, I think. 

-Joe 

[Note from Leto: This is about the time when the fic "Light of my friends" starts, so if you want to read more about the events that happen from now on in more detail, feel free to read that, although you might want to finish this one first if you don't want spoilers. ^_^.] 

**Dear Log,**

Izzy and I went on some sciencey program today, because we're the two "smart ones" of the group, apparently. Izzy went into these long complicated mathematical explanations of how things in the digital world worked, and I just sat there and smiled and nodded and pretended that I knew exactly what he was talking about and could elaborate if necessary. 

Fortunately, nobody picked up on it, because whenever someone DID direct a question at me, Izzy, who talks too much sometimes, would interrupt me before I could say more than "well -". 

Then Kari, Mimi and I were interviewed for a magazine, especially about what crests and digivices did. 

Not enough time to write more, gotta go. 

-Joe 

**Dear Log,**

Have had something media-related every day this week. 

Today we were interviewed by TIME magazine. Is that crazy or what? Imagine me on the cover of TIME? I was kind of overwhelmed so I just let the others talk, mostly. 

Afterwards, we went to have a late lunch together, just the eight of us. The proprietress was so thrilled to have us that she fussed over us and gave us our meals for free. I think she regretted her generous offer when she saw how much Tai and Matt ordered (okay, okay... if I'm going to be honest, how much I ordered too) but none of us were complaining. "I could get used to this!" as Mimi said. 

Sora said that she and Mimi had been asked to appear in advertisements advertising women's shoes. Mimi is very enthusiastic, Sora less so, she said she just wants the extra money it will bring. And Matt was asked to plug some hair products, but he refused. Tai got annoyed and wanted to know why MATT had been asked but HE hadn't. Matt told him to look in a mirror some day if he wanted an answer to that question, and they nearly came to blows. Sora had to forcibly pry them apart so that they didn't tip our table over. 

-Joe 

**Dear Log,**

I was sitting in math class today waiting for the lesson to begin, and trying to pay attention to Ben, the boy who sits behind me. He keeps pestering me with questions about every little detail of the digital world. Today he was asking me all about fish - were they Digimon too? could Gomamon use any of them in his attack? I thought every living creature in digiworld was a Digimon? did Gomamon eat them too even though they were his friends? did they taste the same as fish here? What type of fish? What colour were they? 

I swear, Ben is more curious than Izzy sometimes. While answering his stupid questions I couldn't help thinking of Gomamon... he called on those fish of his to protect me from Ogremon and then digivolved to get me away, and then had Sora pull me out of the water... he was a real hero. 

Then I remembered I was in math class in the real world, where there are no real heroes, and I was never going to see Gomamon again. 

I guess I was kind of distant because then Ben suddenly said "I guess you're sad 'cos you're never going to see your Digimon again, huh?" 

I'd been thinking the same thing myself but for some reason it made me mad to hear him say it. 

"Of course I'm going to see him again," I snapped, "you don't think we'd forget each other that easily, do you? Some day that gate will open again and we'll find each other." 

Everyone stared at me and I realised I'd been talking kind of loud. At that moment the teacher came in but nobody stood to greet him because they were all looking at me, and my crest was glowing. 

There were people who had never believed my crest had glowed - thought it was some camera trick - but they couldn't deny this. People came out of their seats to get a closer look, and someone told me to take off my shirt so they could get a better look. I went red and said I wasn't going to, and then some weird guy from my home group actually jumped on me and knocked me out of my seat. 

"What's the big idea?!" I said and pushed him away. My crest faded and stopped glowing again. 

He just looked at me, and said he thought maybe if he touched the light, his diabetes would be healed. Someone else agreed that they'd definitely seen the sign of a cross. 

Great, now I'm a target for religious fanatics. 

It took the teacher about fifteen minutes to restore order, and everyone kept looking at me as if they expected it to happen again. Ben didn't ask any more questions. I think he was scared of me. 

But you know something? When my crest glowed, I could have sworn I heard Gomamon's voice. He just said "Joe" in that funny way he had, but I'm *sure* it was him. 

-Joe 

**Dear Log,**

I haven't been home much lately; last night when I came home from endorsing a chain of school supplies stores Jim told me that Dad had left about half an hour ago. Left? Gone where? He rolled his eyes and said "don't even worry about it". 

My mother didn't make dinner last night. She got mad at me when I asked about it. 

-Joe 

**Dear Log,**

For the last three days, my mother has been out all day and night, and she doesn't come in until early in the morning. 

Today I had a full day free, and I spent the whole day catching up on study. It was very satisfying. 

Jim just told me he's moving out of home this weekend. He's got his own apartment. I know he's not home much anyway but this place is empty enough as it is. Only a few months ago it was the usual thing for all of us to be home several days a week; now it seems like I'm home alone every day. 

-Joe 

**Dear Log,**

Yesterday I had an interview and talked to some weird magazine about what my dreams for the future were (they were having this story about the power of dreams and getting child stars to talk about their own). Of course, I want to be a doctor - don't I? 

I also said some things like wanting to be with my friends, and get into a good high school, and do so well that I get offered a scholarship! Of course we can afford medical school fees - especially since I've been getting so much money from these media appearances - but it's the principal of the thing. 

Today I didn't have anything on, so I came home from school, and the apartment was empty as usual. Mom hasn't been grocery shopping in about a week, and I forgot to buy something on the way home, so I figured I'd just forget about eating and do some chem study instead. 

Jim's gone now, his room is empty and it's weird. I don't know where Dad is, and somehow I don't like to ask Mom. I guess my whole family's just really busy at the moment, and I'm definitely following in their footsteps. 

-Joe 

**Dear Log,**

Today I was late home from school. I stayed late to photocopy some notes for a friend of mine who's been sick, and then when I was walking down to the bus stop, there were these two boys mock-wrestling on the school oval, and as I passed them, one of them fell down shouting. So I helped the other boy take his injured friend to the infirmary, and then I missed the bus. 

When I got home, Mimi was standing outside our apartment door; there hadn't been anyone home to let her in, so she'd been waiting for me and she wasn't too happy about it, in typical indignant Mimi fashion. I apologised a lot, but how was I supposed to know she was coming? 

When she came in, she looked around and said "this place feels, like, totally deserted!" I'd told her that Mom wasn't home much, that Dad was on a conference or something (I assume that's where he is) and Jim moved out. She shook her head and then smiled brightly. THEN, she opened her bag and a KITTEN climbed out. 

She proudly said that she'd taken it on herself to bring me a gift. I know it's rude to decline a gift but I didn't want a cat. They shed, and they claw, and I'm probably allergic to them. She just rolled her eyes and said it would be good for me. 

I called the cat Scratch because she's pretty good at that already. Then I helped Mimi with some study for an hour or two, and still nobody came home. Mimi invited me back to her house to have dinner with her family, and I went. It was kind of nice not to eat alone, although her mother's cooking is... odd. 

-Joe 

**Dear Log,**

I was thinking, again, about that promise I made to myself - have I changed much since I made it, really? If I weren't a doormat, maybe I wouldn't be just sitting here paralysed while I can hear my mother crying in the next room. 

-Joe 

**Dear Log,**

There is going to be a Digimon TV series - a series about US and the adventures we had - and WE are going to star in it. 

This wouldn't usually be possible but I haven't heard from Dad in weeks and when I asked Mom, she said I didn't care what I did. 

We were approached with the idea a couple of days ago, and Matt flatly refused. Tai got mad at him and said it wouldn't feel right if we had to have some actor playing Matt instead of the real thing, and why couldn't he enjoy this fame thing for once? 

Matt said it was stupid to be treating the digital world like it was some platform to become stars from, that we were turning it into a big joke by using our fame from it in advertising shoes and computers and sporting equipment. He got quite heated actually. 

But then, today, he said he'd changed his mind. He didn't say so directly but the reason was because of TK. TK was really excited about being in a TV series, but his mom said he couldn't do it because he'd already been doing too many things and he should be a normal kid and not have to worry about cameras and interviews so much. 

Apparently Matt has some kind of weird grudge against his mom and he got mad at this (TK was in tears over being the only one who wasn't allowed to join in) and told their mother a bunch of things like, we're only famous for a season so we should be allowed to enjoy it while it lasts, and TK had been a real hero and should be allowed freedom. 

When these arguments didn't work, he said that since his mom and dad had been so selfish and split up the family, he and TK barely got the chance to see each other, so this was a way for them to spent *quality time* together. After saying that, Matt had no choice but to join us. 

Actually I think we've all been very lucky with how much freedom our parents have given us. 

Mimi and I talked a little about Matt and TK, and she made some comment about their family not being normal. I was surprised, what did she mean by that? What did she think was 'normal'? She said her own family was normal. I think that most people will think their own family is normal because that's what they're used to. My family's just as normal as hers is, and I don't think it's normal for two people to simper over each other like her parents do. I told her so and she got mad. 

-Joe 

**Dear Log,**

Scratch - or "that cat", as everyone here calls her - has been really hyperactive today. When I came in, I had to shut the door really quickly so she wouldn't run outside, and then when I sat down to do my homework, she kept pouncing on my pen as I wrote. I fed her but after she ate, she came and started batting my shoelaces. It was hard to concentrate on my work. 

Right now I'm writing in this diary because Scratch is sleeping on my math paper. She just curled up on it *while I was writing it*. Is this normal? I don't like to wake her up but it is annoying. I don't know why Mimi thought that it would be a good idea for me to have a pet. 

-Joe 

**Dear Log,**

It was another one of 'those days' at school. I found I'd done the *wrong* math assignment (I really have been distracted lately!) and my math teacher, who seems to have a grudge against me, gave me this lecture in front of the whole class that I needn't feel I'm superior to everyone else just because I've been to digiworld and been on TV, and that I was letting my work slip and I would never make anything of myself, and a whole lot of other things... he said it in front of everyone and it was just awful. A classmate I've never even spoken to before, told me after that she thought what he said was totally uncalled-for, and I thought so too, but it was hard to believe it. 

I was kind of upset and I didn't think I could go to my next class, so I went to the nurse's office and threw up instead. I stayed there until the end of the period. 

Then I was ambushed by Karen, this weird girl in eighth grade who seems to think it's her personal mission in life to see my crest glow. It's very annoying. Today she actually had her boyfriend Rick grab a random student in a chokehold and started punching him up. 

If I'd gotten into a better junior high I'm sure this sort of thing would not be happening... 

I didn't know what to do, I just wanted him to cut it out - imagine someone being beaten up on my account! So I ran at Rick and slammed him into the lockers, and I think he would have done me some damage but Karen told him to stop. Fortunately, she doesn't want me killed, just wants my crest to glow. She crowed that she *knew* I wouldn't just let someone get hurt, but couldn't understand why my crest wouldn't glow. 

I started shouting at her and told her to leave me alone. I know she won't though. She's impossible to reason with. 

Then one of my friends got annoyed with me because I "get all the female attention". I told him if it was stalkers who had their hulking boyfriend beat people up, he was welcome to have the female attention. Then a couple of ninth grade girls asked me for my autograph, and now my friend isn't speaking to me. 

Maybe I should learn to cook. 

-Joe 

**Dear Log,**

We have a week of vacation, starting today. I thought it would be a good thing - I need to get ahead in my studies, and we're beginning work on our TV show, so no school is good in that respect. But I've been home all day by myself. 

It's a little weird really; before the digital world, I would have been happy to be by myself. I never went out much, and I didn't expect much from other people. But now I don't like being by myself. 

That cat is here though. She's growing a little bigger, more leggy. She's still weird though. Today she went under my bed, and I was worried about her so I lay flat on my stomach and tried to get her out. Every time I went almost near enough to reach her, she would get up suddenly and dart to another place under the bed and crouch there waiting for me to try again. 

I think she thought it was some big game, because about two minutes after I stopped trying, she came out on her own and fell asleep on my lap. I was annoyed at her for a minute but then I patted her and she started purring and sounded so happy that I was just glad to have someone who liked being in my company. 

Fortunately I don't seem to have had any allergic reactions to Scratch. Funny, when I think about it, my allergies haven't been so bad after digiworld. 

-Joe 

**Dear Log,**

Dad came home today. He came into my room early this evening and made that hrrmpf noise in his throat to get my attention. Then he said: "we've settled the final divorce papers today; have you decided where you are going to live?" 

I just stared at him. I wasn't sure if I'd heard him right. When he realised I wasn't about to reply, he looked impatient. 

"Now, Joe, don't be stupid about this. Haven't you given these matters any thought at all?" 

"You're... you and Mom are... getting a divorce?" 

Now *he* stared at *me*. "You didn't KNOW?" 

"A-a divorce?" 

"Didn't your mother tell you any of this? No, of course not, she wouldn't think of anyone but herself. She's keeping this apartment, I've moved closer to Odaiba Medical Centre. Where do you want to live?" 

I couldn't believe he was asking me like it was some matter-of-fact decision. My parents were getting a *divorce*? 

"You've... moved?" 

"Of course I moved! Wake up a little, didn't you realise I wasn't here?" 

Of course I realised that, but... I didn't want to hear this. A divorce! My mom was supposed to be coming out of the kitchen with our plates, and ask Dad, like she did every day, how his day was. And he was supposed to say, like always "busy", and then we'd eat our meal in silence. That's what was going through my mind, I don't know why. 

He was looking at me, leaning forward a little, and expecting some sort of answer. But I couldn't give him one, I just got up and walked out, out my room and out the apartment and outside. 

He called after me, surprised-sounding. I hadn't acted like I was expected to... but then, neither had they! I was the last Kido to mess up their part in our script.

It was growing dark but I didn't really care. I was upset. I just didn't want to be in the house, that's all. A divorce! I remembered what Mimi said about normal families. Normal families don't break up. 

I didn't want to be by myself, so I thought I should probably go see Matt, he'd understand, but... I'd never want someone like Matt to see me cry. So I went to see Mimi instead and because of her, I can write this down like it doesn't hurt, even though it does. 

I came home and Dad had gone out, but Scratch was asleep on my bed. She lifted her head when I came in and said "mreew?" and it was nice to have someone there. 

-Joe 

**Dear Log,**

These last few weeks have been pretty miserable but I never really realised it until I wrote it so simply like that. 

Writing things down has been useful in a few ways, I think. I just read this whole log through, and I don't like it very much. I noticed that I'd written about Jim asking me if I was worried about our parents. Why did I think that was important enough to write down? 

You know what Mimi said last night? I went to her place and as soon as she opened the door, and she was standing there looking so sweet and happy, with her "normal" family in the background talking to each other, and an expectant smile as soon as she saw it was me... I just started crying. 

I felt stupid but she said it was okay and we went for a long walk until she started complaining about her feet hurting (some things never change). 

But when I told her that my parents were getting - or had gotten, I guess - a divorce, she stared at me with wide, surprised eyes. "You didn't know?" she said. 

Was it obvious to everyone but me that my family was falling apart? 

-Joe 

**Dear Log,**

I don't want to write in this any more. I'm too busy. Busy like my father, but I'm busy spending time with my friends, and training to become a doctor. Scratch and I are living with my father now, so that's a given. I don't mind. Dad and I are alike in some ways so I think being a doctor will suit me. 

But I don't want to end up just like my dad. I want to be able to communicate with people, I don't want to have to hide myself. So I showed this log to Mimi today, after our work at the television studio. I asked her how she thought I could keep the promise I made to myself. 

I can't forget what she said to me. 

"Don't be silly Joe, you are keeping it, just by remembering it and keeping on trying. Don't you even know you *have* changed a whole heap since digiworld anyway?" 

I asked how I'd changed. 

"Ohh, I don't know exactly... well, you don't complain about your stupid sinuses for one!... and, you know... you're more serious than anyone else. No, no, that's not a bad thing! It's like you've grown up!" 

She's changed too; she's better at listening to people and taking them seriously. She doesn't get huffy so easily. 

We went out for icecream and walked along eating it. Suddenly she stopped and smiled. 

"Hey, Joe," she said, "you know, you used to look at your feet when you walked." 

She was right; I don't do that any more. 

Tomorrow I'm going to visit Mom, and I'm going to tell her I love her, even though it'll easily be the hardest thing I've ever done. 

I'm kind of looking forward to tomorrow. 

-Joe 


End file.
